Dancing in the Rain
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A Trisomy 18 Journey

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. -- Vivian Greene

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Day 3: Myths



One myth about grief is that "time heals all wounds."  Maybe I'm not far enough along in my grief journey to fully speak to this, but I know others who are. Although my grief is less crushing on a day to day basis than it once was, I have learned that crushing grief can still show up at any time. Some of my family members are now experiencing significant grief after losing a loved one 17 years ago. Instead of thinking that time heals our grief, it feels truer to think that time allows you to grow in grief. The passage of time can make you feel strong realizing that you are still standing.  The passage of time allows you to connect and share with others in their grief. The passage of time allows you to realize that you will feel joy again. The passage of time can allow your anger and hurt to transform into something useful and constructive and precious. The passage of time allows you to focus on the good and be thankful for the time you had together. Maybe some of these thoughts sound like healing, but, if they are healing, it is not because of time. That same passage of time can find you more angry or more hurt many years into grief. It can leave you feeling weak from all of the energy it takes to live and grieve at the same time. For me, the difference seems like a choice I make every single day. I choose to remember the blessing of knowing Julia, and I take comfort in knowing that I loved her and cared for her and celebrated her and was very proud of her while she was here. (I still love her beyond words and am incredibly proud of her!) Some days that choice comes easily and other days the hurt takes over and I feel weakness settle over me. That's okay.  This is a journey I am on for the rest of my life.

This post is part of Carly Marie's Capture Your Grief Photography Challenge in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. 

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