Comparisons

Cohen's birth nearly 3 weeks ago was a surreal experience on many levels.  Bringing a new life into the world and hearing those first cries is a sacred moment, and it is never to be forgotten. I wanted to savor the moment and focus on the joy in it.  At the same time, I was continually reminded of Julia, and all of the difficulty surrounding her birth and subsequent diagnosis with Trisomy 18.  We were in the same hospital where Julia was born. We were in the same operating room.  We had the same obstetrician who delivered Julia. The procedure was the same, but the expectations were completely different.  We did not have a neonatologist/nicu team in attendance this time. When Julia was born, I did not hear her cries.  She had some difficulty breathing and was placed on cpap and whisked to the nicu. I barely had time to glimpse her tiny, sweet face before she was taken upstairs. With Cohen, there was no way to miss the cries as he was born! I heard "he's definitely a boy!" as he proceeded to pee on the doctor. They showed me my big, beautiful boy briefly before going to clean him up and check him out. I looked over and saw him waving his hands around - his wide open hands - much in contrast to Julia's clenched fists (characteristic of Trisomy 18). And he was still screaming loudly. I felt ready to burst into tears for Julia, but I pushed that aside to dwell on the healthy boy - my son - in front of me. I was wheeled down to the recovery room where Marc and Cohen were already waiting. No nicu stay. My baby would be staying with me throughout my stay in the hospital. Such joy.  A few hours later, my mom arrived at the hospital with Sydney and Isaac, just as she had done after Julia's birth. This time, we introduced them to their baby brother. The tears in my eyes this time were happy ones! As we held and admired baby Cohen, we were in awe of his strength, his ability to feed, his loud cries, his movements. We remembered that it took so much for Julia to develop any strength or the ability to take a bottle or to have much movement. We marveled at how much Julia was able to grow and learn in her precious life, and we were thankful. Thankful for Julia. Thankful now for Cohen. New life brings with it new joy, new hope, and new healing.