Questions and Pregnancy

People love to ask pregnant women questions. When are you due? Is this your first? How many other kids do you have? Is it a boy or girl? Aren't you so excited? You have how many more weeks left? The same is true when you have a tiny baby. Many questions and comments. How old is she? She must be brand new! Was she a preemie? How early was she? How much does she weigh? She's so tiny! Were your other kids small, too?
I have come to dread these questions from strangers. When I was pregnant with Julia I tried not to give people the chance to ask me questions. The answers were so hard and so complicated. I had too much amniotic fluid, so I always looked further along than I was. I was so anxious and worried about her various conditions. After she was born I would also answer questions in an intentionally vague manner. Yes, she was born early. She has a genetic condition/heart condition that keeps her small. Yes, she is tiny. During this pregnancy, the questions are still hard. Yes, I am excited, but I'm also grieving. No, this is not my first child. It is my fourth. Yes, I will have my hands full (but not as full as I wish).
I truly do understand that people mean well. Most of us think of pregnancy and the newborn stage as a happy time. My first two times they were. When you have a difficult pregnancy or when you have suffered infertility, infant loss or a miscarriage, pregnancy can be full of fear and worry. This is not because of a lack of faith or hope, but because some of us have been there, and we know that sometimes things are not okay.
I wanted to write this just in case the next pregnant woman you see is the 1 in 4 (!) women expecting a baby after a loss of some kind. Wish her well if you'd like, or just give her an encouraging smile -- something every pregnant mom-to-be will always appreciate.