Mother's Day Moments

In 2011, I spent my one Mother's Day with Julia. In 2012, I spent Mother's Day preparing for Cohen's imminent arrival (the following day). This Mother's Day I was filled with memories of both.

Sweet Julia-- I knew that day was precious. Every day with her had to count.  It was a beautiful day and Julia was feeling well.  We had a peaceful day together and enjoyed a walk in the park.

Mother's Day 2011

My little Cohen-- I was anxious and so so ready for his arrival. Ready for my arms and my heart to be full in a way that they hadn't been since Julia passed away. And so Mother's Day 2012 was a day of waiting. After nine long months of pregnancy, five of which were spent mourning the loss of Julia, on Mother's Day I was almost there. He was almost here. My own little rainbow after the storm of losing Julia.

Mother's Day Tea at Isaac's Preschool, 2012

Fast forward to Mother's Day 2013 and Cohen nearing his first birthday. It felt more like a "normal" Mother's Day. It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed a beautiful drive and a visit to historic and quaint  downtown Leesburg. We shopped, we ate lunch, I opened presents. "Normal" things. My big kids were super sweet and so excited about the gifts they picked out for me. They each picked out beautiful necklaces and Sydney was so proud to have used her own money.  I love them.

Mother's Day 2013

Then we came back to our town to attend a Butterfly release in honor of Julia and other children who have passed away. It was hosted by The Compassionate Friends. This part was definitely not what I would think of as a "normal" Mother's Day, but this was a beautiful way to include Julia. Each family released their butterflies as their child's name was read aloud. It was a lovely way to honor lives gone too soon -- lives of beauty, hope, and wings.

Feb 12

One year ago today I met a beautiful little girl named Isabella. It was her two month birthday, and it had been nearly two months since we lost Julia. Isabella, like Julia, had trisomy 18. They looked very alike. They brought with them similar joys and similar struggles. Seeing Isabella made my heart full, and I loved her immediately. She was so expressive, so spirited, and so lovely. I also met Isabella's amazing parents, Patricia and Randy. Since that day, we have shared happy days and sad days, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Our little beautiful girls now play together, happy and whole, in a place where all is good. This is a hard and often lonely road that we walk. I am very thankful that if we must walk this road, we can at least do it together.

Butterfly House

The butterfly counts not months but moments….

Sydney's class recently visited the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History for a field trip. I decided to meet the class there and tour the museum with Sydney. We passed by the butterfly house but did not go in. Through the window I saw a large chart of different types of butterflies. One of the butterflies on the chart was dryas julia, the Julia Longwing butterfly. After seeing this butterfly on the chart, I knew I had to try and find it. Sydney's class unfortunately was not scheduled to go in that exhibit. Cohen and I just had to explore it though. Once inside there were dozens and dozens of butterflies all around. We wandered through, admiring the beauty and variety of butterflies. One even landed on Cohen's back. Finally, near the exit, I found the area where there were several Julia Longwing butterflies. Seeing these delicate, beautiful butterflies gave me a sense of peace. I'm grateful for these signs of my dear one.

Prayer Flag

As part of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day on October 15, I created a prayer flag for Julia.  I sent this prayer flag to Australia to Carly Marie of Project Heal to be displayed with prayer flags from around the world. She received more than 300 prayer flags in memory of little ones gone too soon. She then photographed them in groups at sunset on Christian's Beach (for her son Christian). This beach is also where she creates the beautiful beach butterflies and writes names in the sand for bereaved families. 

Thank you, Carly Marie, for all you do to remember our precious angels.  

Day 23: Their Name & Photo

 Day 23: Their Name & Photo

Julia Grace Childress

My daughter, my teacher, my angel, my heart.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. This national observance month was established in 1988 by President Reagan.  This post is part of Carly Marie's "Capture Your Grief" 31 day photography project for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

Day 13: Signs

 Day 13: Signs

As I said in an earlier post in this series, butterflies always remind me of Julia. Yesterday I learned that there is actually a Julia butterfly (Dryas Julia)!

I also treasure the dreams I have of Julia. I do not have them very often but when I do I feel more peaceful. The first one I had about her was of her sitting and laughing like a happy, healthy little girl. Others involve just having her with us doing whatever our family is doing. I wonder if I sleep more regularly if I may dream of her more often...

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. This national observance month was established in 1988 by President Reagan.  This post is part of Carly Marie's "Capture Your Grief" 31 day photography project for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

Day 10: Symbols

 Day 10: Symbols

Butterflies

"A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam, and for a brief moment,

it's glory and beauty belong to our world.

But then, it flies on again, and although we wish it could have stayed,

we feel blessed to have seen it."

- Author unknown

Photo by Carly Marie at Project Heal

Photo by Carly Marie at Project Heal

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. This national observance month was established in 1988 by President Reagan.  This post is part of Carly Marie's "Capture Your Grief" 31 day photography project for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

In My Heart...Always

Missing Julia. 

Eight months. 

Some days are easier. 

Some are not. 

But she was and is worth it all.

We love you, Julia.