Numbers

2/25/11

I have been thinking of how numbers played a big role in Julia's life. The obvious and most impacting numbers are 3 and 18, for trisomy 18. But there are many others...

1 in 880 - my "risk" for trisomy 18 based on my quad screen during my pregnancy with Julia
9% - Julia's size at 30 weeks gestation was estimated to be in the ninth percentile, which earned her the diagnosis of intrauterine growth restriction.
37 weeks - gestational age at which Julia was born
11/30/10 - the date of Julia's birth
5 lbs 1 oz and 18 inches - Julia's measurements at birth
3 - Julia is our third child
34 - my age when Julia was born (Her due date was after my 35th birthday which placed me in the advanced maternal age category.)

We counted her formula intake by milliliters for her first 4 months of life. I could always tell you exactly how many days old Julia was. Julia's weight gain was so slow that we rejoiced over every half pound gained (she averaged gaining a half pound per month). Additionally, Julia's heart function was measured in more numbers: heart rate, oxygen saturation, and lung pressure.

5 - the number of states Julia visited, plus the District of Columbia
110 - the number of episodes of Top Gear Julia "watched" with Marc in the wee hours of the night
11/30/2011 - the date Julia turned 1 year old!
10 lbs 3 oz and 24 inches - Julia's measurements at one year
10% - the number of babies born with trisomy 18 who survive to one year. Yay, Julia!
5000+ - the number of photos we have of Julia

The big, big unknown number was the number of days we would have with her. I counted everyday as an accomplishment, but a small voice would sometimes pop up and remind me that each day together brought us closer to the day she would leave us. I tried hard to push those thoughts away and focus on the present. Every single day really was a gift!

12 - the number of birthday cakes and birthday songs we sang to celebrate each month
382 - the number of days we were blessed with Julia on earth
12/16/11 - the date we lost our precious girl

Infinity - how much we love and miss our Julia cannot be measured!

And speaking of numbers...happy 15 months to our sweet girl...

Sweet Face

How I miss this face...

2/25/2011

2/25/2011

Word Collage

From Sydney

When I first saw Julia, I looked at her and smiled. ''She's cute'' is the first thing I said. I looked at her, my baby   sister, finally, wrapped in a pink blanket! Oh, how adorable she was! As she grew, she got pretty heavy.(At least to me she was.) Her eyes widened. Julia also got bigger of course. I thought her eyes were greenish brown later on. After her 1 year old birthday,I thought all those possibilities, the bad ones, were over. Little did I know, I was wrong. I feel like it's just been so long! Julia is Julia. She loves to touch bumpy stuff like mini pretzels,bracelets, and necklaces. She loves to snuggle! She does big hilarious stretches! When she sneezes, she puts her arm in front of her and then wipes her face and smiles. Boy, she sure likes a bath! Isaac and I both fight over who should pick out Julia's clothes. I love Julia!

Thanks to Sydney for sharing these thoughts and memories. Both of my girls are one in a million.  

Dancing in the Rain

Last summer when Julia was 6 months old we made the decision to stop hospice care. We wanted to focus -- and we wanted everyone else to focus -- on her life and not on the end of her life. That was a powerful transition for us. We were already celebrating and treasuring every day we had with Julia, and this decision meant that we were moving forward as a family with Julia a valuable and real member of our family. Let me back up a moment and add that after Julia was born we knew that we wanted another baby. Not to replace Julia-- she is absolutely irreplaceable. But I knew there would be loss one day and that another baby would go a long way in helping us heal. Julia's first 6 months kept us guessing so much that the thought of adding to our family was overwhelming. She had a good summer, though, and we seemed to get into a routine of sorts. As she approached 9 months, we decided that we were ready to consider another child. We wanted a sibling not just for Sydney and Isaac, but for Julia as well. I had already cared for a baby in the newborn stage for months on end. I felt confident that I could manage Julia and a new little one at home. Who needs sleep, right? Then in September we found out that we were expecting! We were cautiously happy and overwhelmingly anxious. I told Julia right away that she would be a big sister! :) We also let Julia "tell" Sydney and Isaac several weeks later. We used a sign that read "I'm going to be a big sister!" and held it over Julia's head to tell her siblings the great news. As crazy as this decision probably seemed to those around us, to us it is the epitome of "dancing in the rain."  Today this decision and this baby are a large part (along with Syd and Isaac) of what keeps us going. A new baby will not erase the sadness and grief that we feel without Julia, but I love knowing that Julia's life will always be linked with the life of her little brother. And she will always be our third child.

We love you and treasure you always, Julia!

Valentines Day 2012

Our Sweetest Valentine

Valentines Day 2011 in pictures...

Sweeter than chocolate. Prettier than roses. More precious than diamonds.

We carry your heart in our hearts. We love you forever, our sweetest Valentine!