Three Months

March 2011

March 2011

Today marks three months since we lost Julia. That day was a Friday, too.  I find every Friday morning since that day to be hard.  It's like my heart remembers before my head, and I just wake up feeling sad and exhausted.  Thankfully, Isaac is home on Fridays to keep me company and keep me moving. Three months seems like forever these days and at the same time I am surprised that three months could already have gone by.  My sense of time is really just off.  Counting up the weeks since we lost Julia and at the same time counting down the weeks until we meet our baby boy -- this is a very strange place to be.

In the past month, I have had the privilege to meet a sweet baby girl with Trisomy 18 who just celebrated her three month birthday this week. She and her family live about half an hour from us, so it is easy to visit.  This precious baby has many of the same struggles that Julia did those first few months. Being with her and her family has provided some unexpected healing for me in this journey. I find it helpful to be there for and cheer on this family and pray for them as I would for Julia. Through this sweet girl I am reminded of the struggles and the hard days but also of the thankfulness of having such a special baby. I am also reminded to be grateful that Julia progressed past those early days and that she was able to smile and interact and show us her lovely little personality.

I have been busy (staying distracted) working on projects to remember Julia, and some very thoughtful and talented friends are helping as well. The first is this blog, which I began when Julia was nearly 7 months old. I find it to be a very helpful place to remember her and share her with others.  Here I can look backward and forward, and it all seems to fit. I can be mindful of how connected we still are and always will be with Julia. At home we talk about her every day and look at her pictures and videos. We try to surround ourselves with happy memories with Julia.

Julia's Tree

Next, I found a little tree to decorate with seasonal ornaments for Julia (thanks to Lilly's mom for this idea!). The kids can really get into this one, although Sydney still wants to leave the Valentine's Day ornaments up!

Quilt Rack 

Julia's room has been somewhat converted into a guest room so that I can keep it as her room instead of changing it to a nursery for our baby boy. I added a quilt rack to hold some of her sweet blankets. I plan to display a couple of her special dresses on the wall next to her photos and Piggies and Paws prints.

Julia's Dress

Julia's Baby quilt

Another project has been to organize photos. I made sibling photo collages for Sydney's and Isaac's rooms.  They turned out so sweet. I am in the final stages of putting together Julia's photobook/digital scrapbook (I usually create one for the kids every year). And of course there are photos of Julia displayed everywhere!

Finally, I also have some outside help. A group of friends had a beautiful bracelet made for me with Julia's birthstone. I was so touched and honored by their thoughtfulness (thank you to C, S, and T!).  I also have a friend who loves to quilt and has volunteered to make a quilt from Julia's clothes (thank you so much K!). I am so excited about this! Another friend who is a very talented artist offered to paint a portrait of Julia, and I am just thrilled about this, too (thank you, thank you, L!). Thank you to so many of you who continue to remember and celebrate Julia with us and for us.

Mt bracelet with Julia's birthstone

I miss you every minute of every day, dearest Julia. And I am thankful for you every minute of every day.