Dancing in the Rain

Last summer when Julia was 6 months old we made the decision to stop hospice care. We wanted to focus -- and we wanted everyone else to focus -- on her life and not on the end of her life. That was a powerful transition for us. We were already celebrating and treasuring every day we had with Julia, and this decision meant that we were moving forward as a family with Julia a valuable and real member of our family. Let me back up a moment and add that after Julia was born we knew that we wanted another baby. Not to replace Julia-- she is absolutely irreplaceable. But I knew there would be loss one day and that another baby would go a long way in helping us heal. Julia's first 6 months kept us guessing so much that the thought of adding to our family was overwhelming. She had a good summer, though, and we seemed to get into a routine of sorts. As she approached 9 months, we decided that we were ready to consider another child. We wanted a sibling not just for Sydney and Isaac, but for Julia as well. I had already cared for a baby in the newborn stage for months on end. I felt confident that I could manage Julia and a new little one at home. Who needs sleep, right? Then in September we found out that we were expecting! We were cautiously happy and overwhelmingly anxious. I told Julia right away that she would be a big sister! :) We also let Julia "tell" Sydney and Isaac several weeks later. We used a sign that read "I'm going to be a big sister!" and held it over Julia's head to tell her siblings the great news. As crazy as this decision probably seemed to those around us, to us it is the epitome of "dancing in the rain."  Today this decision and this baby are a large part (along with Syd and Isaac) of what keeps us going. A new baby will not erase the sadness and grief that we feel without Julia, but I love knowing that Julia's life will always be linked with the life of her little brother. And she will always be our third child.

We love you and treasure you always, Julia!